They always pick dark school-uniform-slash-numberplate-blue colours that are most unattractive. They think they hide dirt. Well yes, in theory.

They hide dark coloured smudges. Like a girls mascara on a pillow case. However when a girl comes over that’s not the only thing you want to be disguising. And we all know that deep blue, grey, black and dark tones don’t cut it.

So. It’s up to you. With the ridiculous sales that DJ’s and Myer are always having one can procure a sheet set at a very minimal cost. Good quality too. These are my picks. And if you’re feeling like a bit of fun and your man has a double bed. Go for the Junior range. Who knew that they sell kids bedding in double size?? Brats.

For more details and a better idea of the range check out the Sheridan website. Live on the edge of the bed. Boot boring.

This morning The Australian, The Herald Sun and The Age covered the success or Melbourne RMIT graduate Toni Maticevski. Snaps to him for killing it (with a little help from red carpet hotsteppers).

But what I want to know is . . . . Barbie? WTF? Her own fashion parade. Heaven help us. Hair. Legs. Tattooed blue eyeshadow. But more importantly Ken. I want to know where the convertible was. The def should have worked that into the show. Poodle??

Talk about escaping. This is the ultimate girl fantasy. I wish I was a fly on the wall backstage. The actual stylists and dressers would be reliving some serious childhood memories. Check it out. Wickedy wack.

You end up squeezing two weekends worth of partying into one and the five days work into four. Tis not good for the health. Especially when the long weekend is a celebration of ones patriotism. And particularly if you screamed at the The Black Kids, jumped up and down to The Prodigy and swayed to Neil Young at the Big Day Out.

It doesn’t make for a pleasant Tuesday. But it does make for some great photos and fricken hilaaaarious memories.

There were some serious outfits kickin about the dust around Flemington but given the temperature I thought the most important accessory of the day was a hat. And no. You with the mullet wig, that doesn’t count as a hat. Although it does provide some shade.

Here are some of the pearlers that caught my eye.

We sipped on Gin Martinis, held bags we would never own, drooled over jewels and bookmarked our engagement rings. Diamonds that blind. Lovely.

I got a few pics but my camera didn’t do the outfits justice under the bold lights of the store. Snappety Snap.

My buddy and I were a bit disappointed that our goody bags didn’t contain one of their new cuffs or a pair of sunnies that we’d been eyeing off all night. We only got perfume.

Oh, it’s a hard life.

Feel free to comment.

Thanks to all those people who I took photos of. Sorry I couldn’t put all of you up.